An Excerpt from Walking the Aqueduct

Chapter 22: Surviving a Family Meal

Restaurant dining can be excellent in Italy, it’s hard to go wrong as long as you stay away from the restaurants lining the tourist site piazzas, but you will find the most unforgettable food in private homes. If you are lucky enough to score an invitation to a relative’s or friend’s home for pranzo (lunch) or cena (dinner), you will find it one of the most memorable experiences of your vacation.

When visiting someone’s home for a meal it is, as you would guess, rude not to eat a bit of everything. But be careful! You can easily lose awareness of what you are doing as the courses and dishes begin to look like an unstoppable, endless army marching straight at you. Your hosts delight in watching you enjoy their cooking, so they want you to keep eating . . . and eating . . . and eating. If you don’t want to leave Italy looking like the Michelin man, you have to understand how a multi-course meal progresses, the benign trickery your hosts engage in to make you happy, and strategies for countering them. 

The Tricks

The first ploy to make sure you eat well comes at the antipasto plate. You’ll be invited to sit at the table and the appetizers antipasti will already be sitting in a plate at your place — you’ve no choice in the matter. In meat eating Tuscany, you’ll usually find the classic crostini nero (ground chicken livers cooked with onions, herbs, and wine on toasted or untoasted bread), two or three kinds of salami, prosciutto and melon, and bruschetta with porcini mushrooms. It’s enough for a meal by itself. Along with what is on your plate, there will be extras on serving platters in the center of the table. This is a crucial test, because you’ll probably be starving by the time you sit down and you’ll have to be careful not to over do it — there are three more courses coming.

Second, you’ll hear the insistent refrains of “Mangia! Mangia!” “Prendi! Prendi!” — “Eat! Eat!” “Take! Take!” Long after your hosts have stopped, they want you to keep eating and you will be eager to oblige. You’ll look at those ½-inch wide, foot long homemade noodles swimming in the fragrant, mouth watering creamy truffle sauce and can’t help but think, “Gosh this is good! I’ve never had food like this! I think that I can handle a bit more.” So, you say to your host, “OK, but just a little bit.” Your host will walk around the table to your place and scoop up a “bit” more pasta for you, except that there is no such thing as “a little bit” at an Italian meal. Before you know it, there is another pile of pasta as big as your first serving in front of you. Just as you say, “Grazie,” there, whizzing past your eyes, goes another scoop — larger than the first.

A third tactic they employ is to simply ignore you and pretend that they don’t understand. “Vorresti un caffè e torta?” “Would you like an espresso and cake?” Before you can finish saying, “No, thank you, I just ate pranzo,” you hear the hiss of steam as the espresso maker fills your tassa of caffè. Almost by magic, because you never see the hands, the caffè and torta sit in front of you. It is, of course, rude not to indulge. 

The turn-around trick is classic. At a pranzo for grape pickers I had made it halfway through the primo piatto, penne in a simple tomato meat sauce, when I left the table to take some pictures of the cook, Gina, as she prepared a straight-from-the-garden tomato and leaf lettuce salad with fresh olive oil, balsamic vinegar, salt, and pepper. Barely thirty-seconds later I sat back down and looked at my pasta bowl. I could have sworn there were more penne there than when I’d left — it looked like I was starting from the beginning. I looked up at my cousin Marisa sitting across the table and she just shrugged her shoulders with a sly smile.

Tips for Survival

All is not lost. Over the years I’ve learned several strategies that can help you manage the quantity you eat so your hosts don’t have to roll you out to your car after dinner. 

First, realize that a formal meal will be four to five courses, some courses with multiple options, so prepare yourself. When you accept an invitation to cena, skip the pizza or piadina for lunch because there is no such thing as a “light meal,” even if you ask for it. One day, as I was waddling out of my cousins’ home after a multi-course pranzo, they told me to come back for cena at 8:00 pm. I said, “OK, but will you keep it light? Some fruit and cheese are enough.” Marisa, practicing the “ignoring” trick, said, “Sì, sì. Certo.” When I arrived for dinner I found just what she promised: fresh peaches, apricots, figs, and cheese — along with prosciutto, soup with homemade noodles, warmed up chicken from pranzo, bread, and dessert. Right back to four courses.

Second, pacing is everything. A meal has a distinct rhythm and this is not the time for your at-home practice of sitting, eating, and leaving the table in 20 to 30 minutes. Sit down, get comfortable, and know that you are participating in a tradition that is a couple of thousand years old. Watch your hosts; never have less on your plate than them. Finish the course with or after them. If you eat fast and empty your plate, it’s a breach in your defenses, a hole to shoot more food through because you must be hungry. As long as there is food on your plate, they may leave you alone.

Third, I discovered a strategy that I call “dopo tu.” As I was scooping up some homemade ravioli in a tomato meat sauce, my cousin looked at me and, holding up the serving platter, said, “Prendi! Prendi!” so I looked his empty plate and then looked him straight in the eye and said, “Dopo tu.” “After you.” He shrugged, shook his head, and put the serving dish down — I was safe until the next course.

Fourth, try to take matters in your own hands, that is, the serving utensils. Rather than sitting passively and having food piled on say, “Mi lasci,” “Let me.” If your hosts don’t understand, just reach across and gently take the spoon or fork and serve yourself. But watch out! After serving yourself she may take up the utensils and add some more.

Fifth, be assertive. What may seem impolite to you will not be considered impolite. Emphasize your refusal with, “No, no, no, no.” Or better, “Basta!” “Enough!”  When you have had enough of everything, say, “A posto.” “I’m done.” If you have to, leave a little food on your plate. Remember, there is always another course to come.

Finally, walk more. Enjoy the food and you’ll find that the extra walking you do while touring goes a long way to balancing the calories.